Just been sat here smoking, listening to some trance music and then suddenly something came into my head. Something that is still happening now but it was more obvious when in school and can be seen through Facebook as well. I give them the name 'Relationship Jumpers' This mainly effects girls but I've seen it done with guys too. I can't understand it. I would like it if someone could explain this too me over a drink because I hate the concept.
I understand the outside look on it. I'm going to be sexiest and base this on a girl because it mainly effects girls. Girl has BF, either gets dumped or dumps the BF and has someone new within a week. This happens through out her entire dating life. I can't understand how this is even possible? I mean one you can't possibly be over your old boyfriend and your transferring some extra baggage, though guys can tolerate that to a point. Two how to you find someone compatible so fast? I've spent years finding someone compatible for me, usually when I do something happens to mess it up. Do you people seriously find happiness through being with someone your not compatible with or are you just damn lucky? Do you have something in your brain that has the capability to state 'oh you'll do' or are you just afraid of being alone so much that you even know and accept that the relationship is temporarily ?
You know when I get hit down hard after a relationship I do go out and look something new for an ego boost. Just to meet someone who likes me and wants to kiss me. I'm generally happy with that and then I continue with my single life since it seems my taste in relationship qualities are varied and hold no pattern what so ever. I also have the mindset that if I enter a relationship its because I want it to last and of course everyone needs certain elements in a relationship early on to help it push through to the later area's of it. On top of that if I'm not happy with a relationship I'm generally open about it and mention it. Then if I see no improvement I end it.
What I want to know is. Are these relationship jumpers really happy in their relationship or are they lying to themselves? Are they staying in the relationship for the sake of not being alone regardless of how bad it is or do they really find happiness through being with anyone. I envy this ability because I really hate being alone but I also hate being in a relationship I don't want to be in.
Any kind of insight onto this subject would be great because I can interested in what people think or if you are a relationship jumper I'm interested in what you know. I what I do know already though is the relationships of the relationship jumper never last purely because you can't land on the right person by chance and if you do then I'm extremely jealous. I also feel that I have been subject to relationship jumpers from entering relationships with girls on a surprisingly easy scale but never ever do they get passed the tough part as previously mention in an older blog.
Well thank you for reading. If you can add anything to this blog yourselves or answer some questions then please do. I look forward to hearing what you have to say about it. Thank you.
Wednesday 15 December 2010
Monday 13 December 2010
A Story of Hope.
I'm going to write out a story of what happened to me. Its going to be all me and nothing else. Lets finally open up to the world for a change.
I met this girl perhaps over a year ago now. For some reason I felt attracted to her almost immediately and a few days after speaking to her on MSN we met up and watched Dorian Gray. Wasn't the best film choice ever. It was a great film but I did mention that my friend told me it was written for me. Then I see with this girl and its nothing but sex, cigarettes and murder. I could of killed my friend for telling me this. I knew straight away after seeing her with my own eyes for the first time that she was something special and I didn't want to rush anything. I really wanted to do this right by this one.
After she went home nothing much happened. We didn't meet again, she spoke to me on and off. But I couldn't help but not forget about her. I thought about her a lot as my life continued on. I told her once that I liked her and she ignored it as well as me. I decided to count my loses and leave it at that. Then she started speaking to me again, expressed that she wanted to see me. Me of all the people she could of claimed. This happened perhaps 6 months or a year after our first meeting. Time is really hard to identify when all the days blur together with thoughts of her.
We decided to go cinema again, but this time we watched How to Train a Dragon. A much safer choice I thought. Once again even though I wanted to take her hand, I wanted to hold her and kiss her. I restrained because I wanted her to like me. I wanted her to understand that I wanted more from her. She went home once again and as she left I felt a sudden grip of fear that history will repeat and I wont see her again. I was wrong and she had invited me out to her sisters party. I was so happy and filled with joy and it was the night we shared out first kiss.
I knew I wanted to be with her. I had thought about it but the kiss confirmed it as my body tingled with a feeling I've not felt since I was a child, happiness. She came round the following day and we spent time together, as we did on the days following. I enjoyed her company and I wanted it more than anything. I asked her out but she told me she was not ready. I accepted this and took it for what it was.
As time progressed we encountered our problems where she would stop talking to me and I would panic thinking that she was going to disappear from my life with out a trace. She assured me that it was something that she couldn't help and that she doesn't mean to do it. I believed her despite my cynical mind. The weeks turned to months as I found myself leaving clubs early because I heard something happened to her. I spend nights awake worrying about her, hoping that she was okay. Feeling powerless to help her through what she was going through but desperate to try everything I could.
At points when it got tough I would walk or cycle to her house and buy her flowers on the way to display my feelings for her, an emotional reaction which I did not think I was capable of having. Things got harder for her as she got kicked out of her house. Something which I knew was going to happen and I pleaded to her mother to not do it. However my words fell on deaf ears as I get a called from this girl telling me it has happened. I was stuck at work as I told her to go to my house and let herself in.
Upon coming home and finding her laying asleep in my bed a feeling went through my body. A feeling that I had long since forgotten. A feeling of love. I soon realised that despite her telling people she was single and telling me she was not ready for a relationship. I knew that's where I was at. In my head I was in a relationship with this girl. I had told my friends I was with her expressing to them how happy I was and for the week she spent at mine before returning home I enjoy the company of another person and didn't get sick of it. I had fallen in love with this girl and there was nothing I could do about it.
After she went home things got extra hard. I hadn't seen her and she was being reluctant to speak with me. I heard she was going away over the weekend to meet some guy she fancied and she was honest to me and admitted it and I was in the belief that she was going to cheat on me and she didn't do anything to assure me she wasn't. She says now that she was joking but I couldn't see the joke. Her telling people she was still single, not wanting the pictures of us kissing on Facebook and removing the wall posts I made which signified we were seeing each other. My head fucked up. I lost control and I had no idea what to do.
My reaction was disgusting as I cheated on her during the time I thought she would be cheating on me. I felt so shit with myself and I told her it happened the next day. To my surprise as she tells me she didn't cheat on me and she stops speaking to me. This time I knew it was for good. I had tried everything I could in my mindset of panic to say sorry and begged for her forgiveness and hoped that she would understand that I was not myself when I did this vile action. Of course she did not believe me.
I tried multiple things to get over her. I even shouted at her tried to make her hate me, tried to hate her myself with what she did to make me so fucked up. But nothing worked. I couldn't get over this girl and I knew I had made a huge mistake and should of just kept faith while against all odds.
As time progressed she moved on and found someone new while I was trying to go back to my heartless emotionless self that I was before her. But nothing worked. Not even the old tricks which I used with previous ex's. Months have passed and I still feel for her like I did when we were together. Though this time the feelings are hollow as she is not around. These feelings which I could easily transfer over to another girl but my body will just not allow it. These feelings are for her and her alone and no one can take them away from me.
I learned from my mistake the second I made it, swearing to never do it again and it is an oath I will never break no matter how tough things get in the future. This girl is nothing more than a remnant of my memories who I still plead to forgive me. I task I know I will never complete and not rest until I can forget. But how can you forget about a person that pulls out the emotion of love that you thought was lost?
This is a story of hope because even though I fucked things up. I know there is another girl out there that can do this to me. There is another girl that I will find that will make me love her like I loved this one. Even though I feel like I will be constantly looking over my shoulder at this girl I fell in love with in the shortest amount of time possible, something that I did not think my cynical mind can do.
I miss her so much and I still cry when I remember what I lost. But there is nothing more I can do other than march on forward and hope that my future will bless me once again like I was blessed to have her in my life for the short while that I had.
Thank you for reading.
I met this girl perhaps over a year ago now. For some reason I felt attracted to her almost immediately and a few days after speaking to her on MSN we met up and watched Dorian Gray. Wasn't the best film choice ever. It was a great film but I did mention that my friend told me it was written for me. Then I see with this girl and its nothing but sex, cigarettes and murder. I could of killed my friend for telling me this. I knew straight away after seeing her with my own eyes for the first time that she was something special and I didn't want to rush anything. I really wanted to do this right by this one.
After she went home nothing much happened. We didn't meet again, she spoke to me on and off. But I couldn't help but not forget about her. I thought about her a lot as my life continued on. I told her once that I liked her and she ignored it as well as me. I decided to count my loses and leave it at that. Then she started speaking to me again, expressed that she wanted to see me. Me of all the people she could of claimed. This happened perhaps 6 months or a year after our first meeting. Time is really hard to identify when all the days blur together with thoughts of her.
We decided to go cinema again, but this time we watched How to Train a Dragon. A much safer choice I thought. Once again even though I wanted to take her hand, I wanted to hold her and kiss her. I restrained because I wanted her to like me. I wanted her to understand that I wanted more from her. She went home once again and as she left I felt a sudden grip of fear that history will repeat and I wont see her again. I was wrong and she had invited me out to her sisters party. I was so happy and filled with joy and it was the night we shared out first kiss.
I knew I wanted to be with her. I had thought about it but the kiss confirmed it as my body tingled with a feeling I've not felt since I was a child, happiness. She came round the following day and we spent time together, as we did on the days following. I enjoyed her company and I wanted it more than anything. I asked her out but she told me she was not ready. I accepted this and took it for what it was.
As time progressed we encountered our problems where she would stop talking to me and I would panic thinking that she was going to disappear from my life with out a trace. She assured me that it was something that she couldn't help and that she doesn't mean to do it. I believed her despite my cynical mind. The weeks turned to months as I found myself leaving clubs early because I heard something happened to her. I spend nights awake worrying about her, hoping that she was okay. Feeling powerless to help her through what she was going through but desperate to try everything I could.
At points when it got tough I would walk or cycle to her house and buy her flowers on the way to display my feelings for her, an emotional reaction which I did not think I was capable of having. Things got harder for her as she got kicked out of her house. Something which I knew was going to happen and I pleaded to her mother to not do it. However my words fell on deaf ears as I get a called from this girl telling me it has happened. I was stuck at work as I told her to go to my house and let herself in.
Upon coming home and finding her laying asleep in my bed a feeling went through my body. A feeling that I had long since forgotten. A feeling of love. I soon realised that despite her telling people she was single and telling me she was not ready for a relationship. I knew that's where I was at. In my head I was in a relationship with this girl. I had told my friends I was with her expressing to them how happy I was and for the week she spent at mine before returning home I enjoy the company of another person and didn't get sick of it. I had fallen in love with this girl and there was nothing I could do about it.
After she went home things got extra hard. I hadn't seen her and she was being reluctant to speak with me. I heard she was going away over the weekend to meet some guy she fancied and she was honest to me and admitted it and I was in the belief that she was going to cheat on me and she didn't do anything to assure me she wasn't. She says now that she was joking but I couldn't see the joke. Her telling people she was still single, not wanting the pictures of us kissing on Facebook and removing the wall posts I made which signified we were seeing each other. My head fucked up. I lost control and I had no idea what to do.
My reaction was disgusting as I cheated on her during the time I thought she would be cheating on me. I felt so shit with myself and I told her it happened the next day. To my surprise as she tells me she didn't cheat on me and she stops speaking to me. This time I knew it was for good. I had tried everything I could in my mindset of panic to say sorry and begged for her forgiveness and hoped that she would understand that I was not myself when I did this vile action. Of course she did not believe me.
I tried multiple things to get over her. I even shouted at her tried to make her hate me, tried to hate her myself with what she did to make me so fucked up. But nothing worked. I couldn't get over this girl and I knew I had made a huge mistake and should of just kept faith while against all odds.
As time progressed she moved on and found someone new while I was trying to go back to my heartless emotionless self that I was before her. But nothing worked. Not even the old tricks which I used with previous ex's. Months have passed and I still feel for her like I did when we were together. Though this time the feelings are hollow as she is not around. These feelings which I could easily transfer over to another girl but my body will just not allow it. These feelings are for her and her alone and no one can take them away from me.
I learned from my mistake the second I made it, swearing to never do it again and it is an oath I will never break no matter how tough things get in the future. This girl is nothing more than a remnant of my memories who I still plead to forgive me. I task I know I will never complete and not rest until I can forget. But how can you forget about a person that pulls out the emotion of love that you thought was lost?
This is a story of hope because even though I fucked things up. I know there is another girl out there that can do this to me. There is another girl that I will find that will make me love her like I loved this one. Even though I feel like I will be constantly looking over my shoulder at this girl I fell in love with in the shortest amount of time possible, something that I did not think my cynical mind can do.
I miss her so much and I still cry when I remember what I lost. But there is nothing more I can do other than march on forward and hope that my future will bless me once again like I was blessed to have her in my life for the short while that I had.
Thank you for reading.
Sunday 12 December 2010
Instincts are over-rated
Is it about time our instincts left us and just allowed us to act with our lives using our conscious mind? Okay I can see certain instincts should remain like the one for preserving your own life, reaction and reflex all that jazz. I can't help but think is 'the instinct to get a partner' is still needed. Society it self promotes that we should all be with someone. I would just love to be happy while alone. I would end up with someone truly special if I then decided I wanted to share a life with someone. I think over half of relationships in the world happened because two people didn't want to be alone and they just happened to be the best on offer at the current time. At least that's how I feel sometimes. I feel that a girl wants to be with me because I'm decent and interested in her. But when things start to get tough like all relationships do they can't seem to cope and just give up. Yeah I guess I can be a handful at times but I'm not that complicated. I even tell the girl what I want her to do to solve the problem then you compromise and issue is resolved.
sometimes I feel like girls have became more selfish. Which is great, nothing better than keeping a man on his toes. But you girls haven't quiet figured out the right balance yet. Neither have most guys I admit but relationships need balance. I've said it before, I'm saying it again. It just feels like all the girls I have been with for the last... Say 3 years give or take a few exceptions have only wanted me in there own time. Now that bothers me because it makes me feel like a tool. I'm not saying I want the girl to drop everything for me. What I'm saying is its nice to have a feeling in the back of your head that your partner can drop everything for you when times become most dire, do things to make you feel comfortable even though its really shit for them. Like stay up later than usual. I can remember an ex of mine would wake up the same time as me when I had an early start. She would sign on msn and speak to me while I get ready for work and then go sleep when I leave. How sweet is that!?
I think its the small things in a relationship that can keep people together and its the big things you do to express to a person that you love them. Its very annoying when people are selfish because it makes you selfish and inconsiderate if you aint getting what you need or want out of the relationship. Responding like that isn't a bad thing at all! I want someone that will answer their phone when I call them. That turns up when they say they will. Enjoys sex as much as me and will give me an excessive amount of blow jobs. Someone that will listen while I rant. Someone that knows sometimes I don't know why I'm upset and want to cuddle me until I'm fine. there's still a few more things that I like in my relationships but that's just a few. If I don't get these qualities then I'm not happy and I will give them their chances but will eventually leave them. 'what? That's so harsh Simon!? You would leave a girl if she won't give you excessive head?' Yes I would because if I don't leave her then that means I'm spending the rest of my fucking life not getting something that I want and since I have an entire lifetime to find that I'll take my precious time finding this perfect girl for me! Just need to hope I'm the perfect guy for her and if I'm not.. I'll happily change myself to suit her.
Now what annoys me is I wish I could remain single to find this girl so I am ready for when she shows up. But she will more than likely be taken herself. We will be taken because our instincts can overpower our judgement and people settle for people who will just do. Then they can't find the will power to leave them no matter how much they hate it. They pretend everything is fine until someone better suited shows up and shows interest and then its goodbye current partner hello new one and this poor person that just had to endure an entire relationship that they thought was fine because they got lied to!
This is all because life is less shit when your with someone. Many reasons for that. First one is you feel loved and important. The second would be the sex. Sex releases a lot of endorphins which aids with stress relieve. If your ever mad at each other, just have sex with eachother. You will get over it afterwards. Infact it is the sex that makes the whole relationship tolerable. Its an important thing so keep that in mind and if you want to keep your partner keep them satisfied. Sex is just like a drug, you can get addicted to the natural endorphins that it releases and for someone who feels stressed constantly its nice to get a fix.
So what am I even blogging about? Well it seems most people who are currently in relationships are in them for the wrong reasons. This is all because no one wants to be alone and we all want company. This does not justify leading someone on in this most horrible way possible, they might be serious. Think long and hard about why are in a relationship and if you don't have good enough reasons or have doubts about it working in the long run, end it. More people are out there. More people who are better suited for you. You shouldn't wait in a relationship till these people show up. You should be single and available, make it easy for them to take you away to happiness that you thought you could never gain. When you get that, keep hold of them and treasure them for as long as you can. If you disagree with me. Imagine falling for the person of your dreams and it ends up with them being with you until something better shows up. You might be giving that feeling to the person you are with now.
I hope you enjoyed this read. Please feel free to comment because I like knowing what people think and I like knowing people read this. Its you guys that read this which keep me writing. If you have any issues that you need advice with please ask me and I will do my best to advise you. Thank you.
sometimes I feel like girls have became more selfish. Which is great, nothing better than keeping a man on his toes. But you girls haven't quiet figured out the right balance yet. Neither have most guys I admit but relationships need balance. I've said it before, I'm saying it again. It just feels like all the girls I have been with for the last... Say 3 years give or take a few exceptions have only wanted me in there own time. Now that bothers me because it makes me feel like a tool. I'm not saying I want the girl to drop everything for me. What I'm saying is its nice to have a feeling in the back of your head that your partner can drop everything for you when times become most dire, do things to make you feel comfortable even though its really shit for them. Like stay up later than usual. I can remember an ex of mine would wake up the same time as me when I had an early start. She would sign on msn and speak to me while I get ready for work and then go sleep when I leave. How sweet is that!?
I think its the small things in a relationship that can keep people together and its the big things you do to express to a person that you love them. Its very annoying when people are selfish because it makes you selfish and inconsiderate if you aint getting what you need or want out of the relationship. Responding like that isn't a bad thing at all! I want someone that will answer their phone when I call them. That turns up when they say they will. Enjoys sex as much as me and will give me an excessive amount of blow jobs. Someone that will listen while I rant. Someone that knows sometimes I don't know why I'm upset and want to cuddle me until I'm fine. there's still a few more things that I like in my relationships but that's just a few. If I don't get these qualities then I'm not happy and I will give them their chances but will eventually leave them. 'what? That's so harsh Simon!? You would leave a girl if she won't give you excessive head?' Yes I would because if I don't leave her then that means I'm spending the rest of my fucking life not getting something that I want and since I have an entire lifetime to find that I'll take my precious time finding this perfect girl for me! Just need to hope I'm the perfect guy for her and if I'm not.. I'll happily change myself to suit her.
Now what annoys me is I wish I could remain single to find this girl so I am ready for when she shows up. But she will more than likely be taken herself. We will be taken because our instincts can overpower our judgement and people settle for people who will just do. Then they can't find the will power to leave them no matter how much they hate it. They pretend everything is fine until someone better suited shows up and shows interest and then its goodbye current partner hello new one and this poor person that just had to endure an entire relationship that they thought was fine because they got lied to!
This is all because life is less shit when your with someone. Many reasons for that. First one is you feel loved and important. The second would be the sex. Sex releases a lot of endorphins which aids with stress relieve. If your ever mad at each other, just have sex with eachother. You will get over it afterwards. Infact it is the sex that makes the whole relationship tolerable. Its an important thing so keep that in mind and if you want to keep your partner keep them satisfied. Sex is just like a drug, you can get addicted to the natural endorphins that it releases and for someone who feels stressed constantly its nice to get a fix.
So what am I even blogging about? Well it seems most people who are currently in relationships are in them for the wrong reasons. This is all because no one wants to be alone and we all want company. This does not justify leading someone on in this most horrible way possible, they might be serious. Think long and hard about why are in a relationship and if you don't have good enough reasons or have doubts about it working in the long run, end it. More people are out there. More people who are better suited for you. You shouldn't wait in a relationship till these people show up. You should be single and available, make it easy for them to take you away to happiness that you thought you could never gain. When you get that, keep hold of them and treasure them for as long as you can. If you disagree with me. Imagine falling for the person of your dreams and it ends up with them being with you until something better shows up. You might be giving that feeling to the person you are with now.
I hope you enjoyed this read. Please feel free to comment because I like knowing what people think and I like knowing people read this. Its you guys that read this which keep me writing. If you have any issues that you need advice with please ask me and I will do my best to advise you. Thank you.
Saturday 4 December 2010
Culture shock (what is normal?)
Okay so here is my second blog. Going to start with saying thank you to everyone who mentioned they read my first one and that you enjoyed reading it. Regardless of its massive length.
Going to start by saying that I've recently been to norway this month and as always really enjoyed my time there. Infact it is my visit to other countries and cultures which has inspired this blog.
So the question is simple. What is normal? I ask this as it is a commonly used phrase and way of describing someone. The example being one I hear a lot 'your not normal'. To be honest I can't think of what normal actually is and so many people strive to be normal as oppose to being themselves. I'm sure we have all had those bizarre moments of doing something out of character and being shunned for it. Better yet when we lose control from acting on emotion usually ends up freaking people out. If a girl really went bonkers and started throwing stones at my window I would adore that because what people don't really see is that this person is saying 'I love you so much I've completely lost my own dignity!' and that is the true romance which still exists in us all.
Another thing which is now considered normal which before would possibly count as being creeping. When we get into a relationship we want the entire world to know about it and we tell all our freaks and make a massive announcement about it. I am of course talking about Facebook and this thing so massive that it is 'normal' to have one. I avoided myspace and facebook for as long as possible and I just wasn't invited to anything, no one told me anything either. The world of gossip died because all you need to do to find out something is to pop on their Facebook and you know everything about that persons week. Also wondering into the unknown is no longer possible. You cant just meet someone and take them for who they are. You get their Facebook and look at their pictures, you find out what they looked like years ago. That they have a new hairstyle. You get to see if they have fit friends and see who she knows who you know. you can judge from her status updates what kind of person she is and you can even see who talks to her the most. Can you imagine knowing that information before Facebook?
One of the biggest difference's I notice while in Norway is that people really don't care that much. If you need to get from your seat in a bar to the toilet, you stand up and walk the shortest route and move anyone that is in your way, out of the way. This is done via nudges or simple barges. Doing this in England would start a fight. Its normal to say 'excuse me' and have someone move out of the way. In fact general manners don't apply in Norway, you can go to the bar in Norway and ask for a 'fucking' drink. That just doesn't happen in England. In Holland for while I enjoyed my stay there for many reasons nothing makes me laugh at the country more so than when I think about the sexual tolerance. You can have sex on a pool table in the bar during a night out, if your playing pool you wait until they have finished. Yeah it can get that bad. Something that just wouldn't happen in England. With all that in mind they're 2 different cultures that look at the term normal to us.
In order to discover happiness, the first step you need to take is to be yourself. Do the things you enjoy and find people who are the same as you. Understand that pretending to be someone else or just hiding certain interests from people can create false friends and partners that might fall in love with this fake or half you. People need to see the full you in order to truly like and accept you, don't do this in one go let it out gently. I absolutely adore it when people just say things that they like or want to say with out any being worried about social set backs. I love it when people talk to me about things that really don't interest me because I like to see someone talk about something they like. The day you become yourself once more and stop hiding in the shell that you made to make people look at is the day you have made your first step to happiness.
In conclusion I guess what I'm trying to say is it is impossible to be purely normal. You have to be yourself and not be afraid to let yourself out. You will be surprised with just how much people appreciate it. On top of that you will discover who your friends are and where you belong. Its good to be an individual and the more different you are the better. Fuck popular culture and to what the fuck it is you want to do!
I don't think this one is as good as my first as I did it in two parts and completely forgot something else I wanted to bring up. Still I would like to hear you comments and to know what you think. Going to be doing this much more in the future. I hope you all enjoyed reading this.
Going to start by saying that I've recently been to norway this month and as always really enjoyed my time there. Infact it is my visit to other countries and cultures which has inspired this blog.
So the question is simple. What is normal? I ask this as it is a commonly used phrase and way of describing someone. The example being one I hear a lot 'your not normal'. To be honest I can't think of what normal actually is and so many people strive to be normal as oppose to being themselves. I'm sure we have all had those bizarre moments of doing something out of character and being shunned for it. Better yet when we lose control from acting on emotion usually ends up freaking people out. If a girl really went bonkers and started throwing stones at my window I would adore that because what people don't really see is that this person is saying 'I love you so much I've completely lost my own dignity!' and that is the true romance which still exists in us all.
Another thing which is now considered normal which before would possibly count as being creeping. When we get into a relationship we want the entire world to know about it and we tell all our freaks and make a massive announcement about it. I am of course talking about Facebook and this thing so massive that it is 'normal' to have one. I avoided myspace and facebook for as long as possible and I just wasn't invited to anything, no one told me anything either. The world of gossip died because all you need to do to find out something is to pop on their Facebook and you know everything about that persons week. Also wondering into the unknown is no longer possible. You cant just meet someone and take them for who they are. You get their Facebook and look at their pictures, you find out what they looked like years ago. That they have a new hairstyle. You get to see if they have fit friends and see who she knows who you know. you can judge from her status updates what kind of person she is and you can even see who talks to her the most. Can you imagine knowing that information before Facebook?
One of the biggest difference's I notice while in Norway is that people really don't care that much. If you need to get from your seat in a bar to the toilet, you stand up and walk the shortest route and move anyone that is in your way, out of the way. This is done via nudges or simple barges. Doing this in England would start a fight. Its normal to say 'excuse me' and have someone move out of the way. In fact general manners don't apply in Norway, you can go to the bar in Norway and ask for a 'fucking' drink. That just doesn't happen in England. In Holland for while I enjoyed my stay there for many reasons nothing makes me laugh at the country more so than when I think about the sexual tolerance. You can have sex on a pool table in the bar during a night out, if your playing pool you wait until they have finished. Yeah it can get that bad. Something that just wouldn't happen in England. With all that in mind they're 2 different cultures that look at the term normal to us.
In order to discover happiness, the first step you need to take is to be yourself. Do the things you enjoy and find people who are the same as you. Understand that pretending to be someone else or just hiding certain interests from people can create false friends and partners that might fall in love with this fake or half you. People need to see the full you in order to truly like and accept you, don't do this in one go let it out gently. I absolutely adore it when people just say things that they like or want to say with out any being worried about social set backs. I love it when people talk to me about things that really don't interest me because I like to see someone talk about something they like. The day you become yourself once more and stop hiding in the shell that you made to make people look at is the day you have made your first step to happiness.
In conclusion I guess what I'm trying to say is it is impossible to be purely normal. You have to be yourself and not be afraid to let yourself out. You will be surprised with just how much people appreciate it. On top of that you will discover who your friends are and where you belong. Its good to be an individual and the more different you are the better. Fuck popular culture and to what the fuck it is you want to do!
I don't think this one is as good as my first as I did it in two parts and completely forgot something else I wanted to bring up. Still I would like to hear you comments and to know what you think. Going to be doing this much more in the future. I hope you all enjoyed reading this.
Tuesday 2 November 2010
Random First Post (Love and Relationships)
I guess this is for anyone that is willing to read this. As this is my first 'blog' and I really hate that word but lets go with the masses! I haven't blogged for a long long time and my grammar skills are not the best so please forgive me. I hope to get better.
I guess I'm going to use this as an introduction to the style of my blogging. I don't generally speak about my own life or the life of people that I know, I generally just type and vent about things I've noticed with just how our human brains work and hope to gain a better understanding myself and for you readers. If people reading this are close to me then please don't read too much into what I write as the majority of it doesn't usually directly effect me.
After stating that I'm going to talk a little bit about myself. I like helping people and advising people. I am quite good at breaking down social situations and solving the ulterior meanings. I would love to receive emails about your problems or perhaps just a simple question. I will of course keep you confidential so only myself and you will know its you that asked it. And if I ever need to make a direct reference to you then I will call you Joe / Jo Blog.
I think I will make my first post about love and relationships as it is a subject I am fond of and I think I will use some personal references. The first thing I find interesting about these situations is the majority of people will end up being attracted to people that are just wrong for them. This is a very confusing thing for me as I do suffer from it as well. It can get to a sad and depressing point where we actually convince ourselves that this is the type of person that we want to be with. I don't understand why people do this because its just going to end in tears, resentment and we end up blaming this person for being themselves, when really we are the people to blame for being so naive and thinking that this is the type of person we wan't to be with. Looking back in past relationships I have had some bad choices.. I say some, all of them were bad choices otherwise I would still be with them.
For a long time I believed that I did nothing wrong but in the end I realise I did a lot of stuff wrong, as did they. But really can either of us be to blame? At the end of the day I was myself or trying to be someone I'm not and I'm sure they were doing the same. If two people being themselves get together and clash, well its no ones fault. You shouldn't throw blame towards anyone, you simply weren't meant for each other and didn't get along. If you think long and hard at your past relationships I'm pretty confident that you will find things that you noticed your partner did which you did not like and instead of solving the matter you ignored it and instead of making a clean end you waited until it got to an emotion filled explosion of fighting and tears.
Its easy to identify a bad relationship early. For starters think about the reasons of why you want to be in a relationship with this person?
1. Is there a reason? If there isn't then perhaps your just acting on lustful impulses while society demands you must be in a relationship when at the end of the day all you want is to get physical, This is not a good basis for a relationship. I mean it could work because you might end up finding out you get along but I would safely say 9/10 relationships starting on impulsive physical interests fail. If you don't want things to get ugly then just get to know them better before making any advances, something might spout or you can make it clear that you are physically attracted to them and might get a bit of fun out of it. This is something I strongly don't advice. It always ends up being ugly.
2. Have you just got out of a relationship? It is never a good idea to jump into another relationship after you leave one for multiple reasons. First and foremost is you are not over your previous partner no matter how much you protest, you are not over them! You will want to do things with your new partner that you used to do with your old and get confused when it doesn't give the same end result. You emotions from your previous partner transfer over to this 'rebound' which means you end up getting a faster rate of attachment to them and if they're a standard person they will not want to go at that speed. Another reason is if you go from relationship to relationship and with out being sexist but this effects girls more than guys, you will not learn independence. you will be unable to be alone and one day your good looks and charm will go away and you will have to learn how to be alone at a very difficult time in your life. Additionally, I have know idea how people who do this even do it. It takes me months to find someone I have enough interest in to risk a relationship and it takes you a matter of days to find a replacement? Question yourself for a moment and ask is this person really your type? Was it just simple right time right place? I can vent all day about this so lets stop there.
3.You spent a lot of time with them in day to day living. Not exactly a potential deal breaker or bad relationship but being in a relationship with someone you work with for example. You will eventually live with this person and then work with this person and have no time apart from each other. Work is meant to be an escape from your partner, the golden egg of excuses of not being able to see them, it needs to happen! The other point is if you do break up. You can't just wash your hands and move on with it. You have to WORK WITH THEM! One of you will lose your job that is pretty much fact. Out of all the relationships that your going to be in only one will see it to the very end so on that fact the odds are stacked extremely high on the relationship failings. Is this something you want to risk with someone you already spend enough time with? Going back to the first point is the only difference really made is your going to have sex with them. Is it really worth the aftermath of what could happen after a break up?
I can go on but three is a nice number and I don't want to be continually negative through out this essay it seems (I don't blog lightly so no quick reads). Now lets talk about things that make a good relationship. These are sadly few and far between. Most people will look at a loving and happy couple and discover that they have been together for years and think 'awww, thats really great you guys are in it for life'. Sadly the cynic in me looks at these couples and I think.. The right tragedy hasn't quiet happened yet. Since oddly enough most people when in relationships think its an eternity of happiness and I hate to be the one to shatter that image for you but relationships are hard to maintain and the amount of factors that can be involved in breaking even the strongest of couples are countless. A better potential partner arrives, your partner loses their job and gets depressed, you discover they are hard to live with, its endless!
Still lets lighten things up.. At least at little bit. What makes a good relationship? What kind of things do I look at and decide 'Yeah, that is lasting forever'. Well for starters I look at my parents. This is the only relationship I've been able to see for my entire life. Now I'm not going into details because I'm not invading my parents privacy but I will say they have been through a lot! I mean things that would simply destroy the average relationship and burn it to the ground. How do they get through it? Well I would love to truly know their secrets but it comes down to love and honouring their oath of marriage. If you choose to spend a life with your partner you do it and you stick through it when things get tough.. Fair enough however, Sometimes shit gets too much and its better that things end. But if that is the case I'm pretty confident that these people have had enough warning signs, alarm bells and chances to end the relationship before it got out of hand. So points that make a good relationship.
1. You need to know what each other wants. You can't just change your mind because your partner wants something different. What kind of environment do you want to live in and what about your partner? If your a country girl and he is a city boy, really consider this because one of you will end up in an environment you don't want to live in. Additional you can comprise and get a suburban house. How many kids to you want? If any at all, if your partner doesn't want kids, no offence to your naivety but don't expect them to be there for them and help. If however you both want the same things or your differences compliment each other perfectly, example being business man and house wife (I know thats sexism), then you will have a nice happy set up and this will lead to a more affectionate relationship.
2. Understanding. You must understand each other and be empathic to each others needs and issues. Your partners will get paranoid at one stage in their life and I'm sure you will get paranoid as well. If your can handle that and understand that its simply because they don't want to lose you then that is great. You being the paranoid one needs to know when to stop and accept the assurance they offer you, additionally if your partner offers you no assurance then its because they don't want to lie, end the relationship. Another thing that you and your partner needs to understand is we all have bad days, sometimes bad weeks. When things get tough the last thing you or your partner needs is to feel guilty that they have dragged you down with them. Its just not fun and where as a strong relationship can get back on their feet after such an episode, sadly most can't. Its much better to accept that something is happening to them which you can't understand. Be empathic and comfort them, it will pass. At the end of the day the home is meant to be relaxing and calm and if the home isn't relaxing and calm then you and your partner will find another place to go and this could lead to additional problems with them not wanting to go home. In summary if you can understand each other, know how to keep the other one calm even if its an affectionate hug, making them a coffee or just giving them some space to breathe, it will strengthen your relationship and lead to a happier life.
3. Balance. A relationship needs balance more than anything in the word which goes with the saying 'opposites attract'. You can be too opposite though because then you will just have nothing in common and if your the extremely similar then simply put you will learn nothing new and get bored. One of the greatest things about being in a relationship is entering their world and learning about what they like. You can surprise yourself and enjoy it but never would you do this yourself. Also having different interests means you will get that additional time apart as well as it increase's attraction. Watching your partner achieve something you can't do yourself is sexy. How many girls who have no interest in sport at all enjoy watching their partner play it? It also leads to compromise and difference, evidently you don't get bored. Getting tied down to a routine in a relationship is a bad thing, most people can't stand routine and get bored with doing the same things. Adding some spice and difference in a relationship is always a good thing. Additionally for you girls, if you can get your man to come shoe shopping with you, or better yet he will go shoe shopping to get you presents, simply put that man loves you. For you guys, if you can get your girl to watch you play Modern Warfare and make you drinks to expand your game time, simply put that woman loves you! Its an excellent indicator of when a relationship is working because they are interested in you doing something they hate!
I always have trouble with starting and stopping a blog. The majority of this is pretty much improvised typing, letting myself release via the means of my keyboard. I hope you have enjoyed reading my opinions on things because I'm not smug enough to call this fact. Though I would very much appreciate it if people leave comments good or bad. Email me a question or a subject you would like to know my opinion about or perhaps some advice you would like me to give, if you do want advice the more information the better or you will get a very very long answer with every possibility I can think of.. And it will be a lot of possibilities.
In conclusion relationships and love are very very hard things to find and deal with. It takes a lot of strength of character to make a relationship work and a lot of things you have to truly consider. Relationships have been and always will be a system of trial and errors until you finally get it right. I just hope this perhaps helped explained why a relationship didn't work out for you or made you realise that you are stuck in a bad relationship. As cynical as I am I would like to think people are reading this and they can think 'Yes the relationship I am in is the right one.'
I thank you for you time reading this I will not soak up your time any longer! If you have any questions or needing some advice email me at Sdturvey@gmail.com. Additionally you can use my Facebook if you have that. In fact I don't really mind how you ask me but for those of you people who may read this and not actually know me personally then use the email.
Thank you readers! I hope to blog more and I look forward to anything you ask me!
Much Love! Simon
I guess I'm going to use this as an introduction to the style of my blogging. I don't generally speak about my own life or the life of people that I know, I generally just type and vent about things I've noticed with just how our human brains work and hope to gain a better understanding myself and for you readers. If people reading this are close to me then please don't read too much into what I write as the majority of it doesn't usually directly effect me.
After stating that I'm going to talk a little bit about myself. I like helping people and advising people. I am quite good at breaking down social situations and solving the ulterior meanings. I would love to receive emails about your problems or perhaps just a simple question. I will of course keep you confidential so only myself and you will know its you that asked it. And if I ever need to make a direct reference to you then I will call you Joe / Jo Blog.
I think I will make my first post about love and relationships as it is a subject I am fond of and I think I will use some personal references. The first thing I find interesting about these situations is the majority of people will end up being attracted to people that are just wrong for them. This is a very confusing thing for me as I do suffer from it as well. It can get to a sad and depressing point where we actually convince ourselves that this is the type of person that we want to be with. I don't understand why people do this because its just going to end in tears, resentment and we end up blaming this person for being themselves, when really we are the people to blame for being so naive and thinking that this is the type of person we wan't to be with. Looking back in past relationships I have had some bad choices.. I say some, all of them were bad choices otherwise I would still be with them.
For a long time I believed that I did nothing wrong but in the end I realise I did a lot of stuff wrong, as did they. But really can either of us be to blame? At the end of the day I was myself or trying to be someone I'm not and I'm sure they were doing the same. If two people being themselves get together and clash, well its no ones fault. You shouldn't throw blame towards anyone, you simply weren't meant for each other and didn't get along. If you think long and hard at your past relationships I'm pretty confident that you will find things that you noticed your partner did which you did not like and instead of solving the matter you ignored it and instead of making a clean end you waited until it got to an emotion filled explosion of fighting and tears.
Its easy to identify a bad relationship early. For starters think about the reasons of why you want to be in a relationship with this person?
1. Is there a reason? If there isn't then perhaps your just acting on lustful impulses while society demands you must be in a relationship when at the end of the day all you want is to get physical, This is not a good basis for a relationship. I mean it could work because you might end up finding out you get along but I would safely say 9/10 relationships starting on impulsive physical interests fail. If you don't want things to get ugly then just get to know them better before making any advances, something might spout or you can make it clear that you are physically attracted to them and might get a bit of fun out of it. This is something I strongly don't advice. It always ends up being ugly.
2. Have you just got out of a relationship? It is never a good idea to jump into another relationship after you leave one for multiple reasons. First and foremost is you are not over your previous partner no matter how much you protest, you are not over them! You will want to do things with your new partner that you used to do with your old and get confused when it doesn't give the same end result. You emotions from your previous partner transfer over to this 'rebound' which means you end up getting a faster rate of attachment to them and if they're a standard person they will not want to go at that speed. Another reason is if you go from relationship to relationship and with out being sexist but this effects girls more than guys, you will not learn independence. you will be unable to be alone and one day your good looks and charm will go away and you will have to learn how to be alone at a very difficult time in your life. Additionally, I have know idea how people who do this even do it. It takes me months to find someone I have enough interest in to risk a relationship and it takes you a matter of days to find a replacement? Question yourself for a moment and ask is this person really your type? Was it just simple right time right place? I can vent all day about this so lets stop there.
3.You spent a lot of time with them in day to day living. Not exactly a potential deal breaker or bad relationship but being in a relationship with someone you work with for example. You will eventually live with this person and then work with this person and have no time apart from each other. Work is meant to be an escape from your partner, the golden egg of excuses of not being able to see them, it needs to happen! The other point is if you do break up. You can't just wash your hands and move on with it. You have to WORK WITH THEM! One of you will lose your job that is pretty much fact. Out of all the relationships that your going to be in only one will see it to the very end so on that fact the odds are stacked extremely high on the relationship failings. Is this something you want to risk with someone you already spend enough time with? Going back to the first point is the only difference really made is your going to have sex with them. Is it really worth the aftermath of what could happen after a break up?
I can go on but three is a nice number and I don't want to be continually negative through out this essay it seems (I don't blog lightly so no quick reads). Now lets talk about things that make a good relationship. These are sadly few and far between. Most people will look at a loving and happy couple and discover that they have been together for years and think 'awww, thats really great you guys are in it for life'. Sadly the cynic in me looks at these couples and I think.. The right tragedy hasn't quiet happened yet. Since oddly enough most people when in relationships think its an eternity of happiness and I hate to be the one to shatter that image for you but relationships are hard to maintain and the amount of factors that can be involved in breaking even the strongest of couples are countless. A better potential partner arrives, your partner loses their job and gets depressed, you discover they are hard to live with, its endless!
Still lets lighten things up.. At least at little bit. What makes a good relationship? What kind of things do I look at and decide 'Yeah, that is lasting forever'. Well for starters I look at my parents. This is the only relationship I've been able to see for my entire life. Now I'm not going into details because I'm not invading my parents privacy but I will say they have been through a lot! I mean things that would simply destroy the average relationship and burn it to the ground. How do they get through it? Well I would love to truly know their secrets but it comes down to love and honouring their oath of marriage. If you choose to spend a life with your partner you do it and you stick through it when things get tough.. Fair enough however, Sometimes shit gets too much and its better that things end. But if that is the case I'm pretty confident that these people have had enough warning signs, alarm bells and chances to end the relationship before it got out of hand. So points that make a good relationship.
1. You need to know what each other wants. You can't just change your mind because your partner wants something different. What kind of environment do you want to live in and what about your partner? If your a country girl and he is a city boy, really consider this because one of you will end up in an environment you don't want to live in. Additional you can comprise and get a suburban house. How many kids to you want? If any at all, if your partner doesn't want kids, no offence to your naivety but don't expect them to be there for them and help. If however you both want the same things or your differences compliment each other perfectly, example being business man and house wife (I know thats sexism), then you will have a nice happy set up and this will lead to a more affectionate relationship.
2. Understanding. You must understand each other and be empathic to each others needs and issues. Your partners will get paranoid at one stage in their life and I'm sure you will get paranoid as well. If your can handle that and understand that its simply because they don't want to lose you then that is great. You being the paranoid one needs to know when to stop and accept the assurance they offer you, additionally if your partner offers you no assurance then its because they don't want to lie, end the relationship. Another thing that you and your partner needs to understand is we all have bad days, sometimes bad weeks. When things get tough the last thing you or your partner needs is to feel guilty that they have dragged you down with them. Its just not fun and where as a strong relationship can get back on their feet after such an episode, sadly most can't. Its much better to accept that something is happening to them which you can't understand. Be empathic and comfort them, it will pass. At the end of the day the home is meant to be relaxing and calm and if the home isn't relaxing and calm then you and your partner will find another place to go and this could lead to additional problems with them not wanting to go home. In summary if you can understand each other, know how to keep the other one calm even if its an affectionate hug, making them a coffee or just giving them some space to breathe, it will strengthen your relationship and lead to a happier life.
3. Balance. A relationship needs balance more than anything in the word which goes with the saying 'opposites attract'. You can be too opposite though because then you will just have nothing in common and if your the extremely similar then simply put you will learn nothing new and get bored. One of the greatest things about being in a relationship is entering their world and learning about what they like. You can surprise yourself and enjoy it but never would you do this yourself. Also having different interests means you will get that additional time apart as well as it increase's attraction. Watching your partner achieve something you can't do yourself is sexy. How many girls who have no interest in sport at all enjoy watching their partner play it? It also leads to compromise and difference, evidently you don't get bored. Getting tied down to a routine in a relationship is a bad thing, most people can't stand routine and get bored with doing the same things. Adding some spice and difference in a relationship is always a good thing. Additionally for you girls, if you can get your man to come shoe shopping with you, or better yet he will go shoe shopping to get you presents, simply put that man loves you. For you guys, if you can get your girl to watch you play Modern Warfare and make you drinks to expand your game time, simply put that woman loves you! Its an excellent indicator of when a relationship is working because they are interested in you doing something they hate!
I always have trouble with starting and stopping a blog. The majority of this is pretty much improvised typing, letting myself release via the means of my keyboard. I hope you have enjoyed reading my opinions on things because I'm not smug enough to call this fact. Though I would very much appreciate it if people leave comments good or bad. Email me a question or a subject you would like to know my opinion about or perhaps some advice you would like me to give, if you do want advice the more information the better or you will get a very very long answer with every possibility I can think of.. And it will be a lot of possibilities.
In conclusion relationships and love are very very hard things to find and deal with. It takes a lot of strength of character to make a relationship work and a lot of things you have to truly consider. Relationships have been and always will be a system of trial and errors until you finally get it right. I just hope this perhaps helped explained why a relationship didn't work out for you or made you realise that you are stuck in a bad relationship. As cynical as I am I would like to think people are reading this and they can think 'Yes the relationship I am in is the right one.'
I thank you for you time reading this I will not soak up your time any longer! If you have any questions or needing some advice email me at Sdturvey@gmail.com. Additionally you can use my Facebook if you have that. In fact I don't really mind how you ask me but for those of you people who may read this and not actually know me personally then use the email.
Thank you readers! I hope to blog more and I look forward to anything you ask me!
Much Love! Simon
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