Random First Post (Love and Relationships)

I guess this is for anyone that is willing to read this. As this is my first 'blog' and I really hate that word but lets go with the masses! I haven't blogged for a long long time and my grammar skills are not the best so please forgive me. I hope to get better.

I guess I'm going to use this as an introduction to the style of my blogging. I don't generally speak about my own life or the life of people that I know, I generally just type and vent about things I've noticed with just how our human brains work and hope to gain a better understanding myself and for you readers. If people reading this are close to me then please don't read too much into what I write as the majority of it doesn't usually directly effect me.

After stating that I'm going to talk a little bit about myself. I like helping people and advising people. I am quite good at breaking down social situations and solving the ulterior meanings. I would love to receive emails about your problems or perhaps just a simple question. I will of course keep you confidential so only myself and you will know its you that asked it. And if I ever need to make a direct reference to you then I will call you Joe / Jo Blog.

I think I will make my first post about love and relationships as it is a subject I am fond of and I think I will use some personal references. The first thing I find interesting about these situations is the majority of people will end up being attracted to people that are just wrong for them. This is a very confusing thing for me as I do suffer from it as well. It can get to a sad and depressing point where we actually convince ourselves that this is the type of person that we want to be with. I don't understand why people do this because its just going to end in tears, resentment and we end up blaming this person for being themselves, when really we are the people to blame for being so naive and thinking that this is the type of person we wan't to be with. Looking back in past relationships I have had some bad choices.. I say some, all of them were bad choices otherwise I would still be with them.

For a long time I believed that I did nothing wrong but in the end I realise I did a lot of stuff wrong, as did they. But really can either of us be to blame? At the end of the day I was myself or trying to be someone I'm not and I'm sure they were doing the same. If two people being themselves get together and clash, well its no ones fault. You shouldn't throw blame towards anyone, you simply weren't meant for each other and didn't get along. If you think long and hard at your past relationships I'm pretty confident that you will find things that you noticed your partner did which you did not like and instead of solving the matter you ignored it and instead of making a clean end you waited until it got to an emotion filled explosion of fighting and tears.

Its easy to identify a bad relationship early. For starters think about the reasons of why you want to be in a relationship with this person?

1. Is there a reason? If there isn't then perhaps your just acting on lustful impulses while society demands you must be in a relationship when at the end of the day all you want is to get physical, This is not a good basis for a relationship. I mean it could work because you might end up finding out you get along but I would safely say 9/10 relationships starting on impulsive physical interests fail. If you don't want things to get ugly then just get to know them better before making any advances, something might spout or you can make it clear that you are physically attracted to them and might get a bit of fun out of it. This is something I strongly don't advice. It always ends up being ugly.

2. Have you just got out of a relationship? It is never a good idea to jump into another relationship after you leave one for multiple reasons. First and foremost is you are not over your previous partner no matter how much you protest, you are not over them! You will want to do things with your new partner that you used to do with your old and get confused when it doesn't give the same end result. You emotions from your previous partner transfer over to this 'rebound' which means you end up getting a faster rate of attachment to them and if they're a standard person they will not want to go at that speed. Another reason is if you go from relationship to relationship and with out being sexist but this effects girls more than guys, you will not learn independence. you will be unable to be alone and one day your good looks and charm will go away and you will have to learn how to be alone at a very difficult time in your life. Additionally, I have know idea how people who do this even do it. It takes me months to find someone I have enough interest in to risk a relationship and it takes you a matter of days to find a replacement? Question yourself for a moment and ask is this person really your type? Was it just simple right time right place? I can vent all day about this so lets stop there.

3.You spent a lot of time with them in day to day living. Not exactly a potential deal breaker or bad relationship but being in a relationship with someone you work with for example. You will eventually live with this person and then work with this person and have no time apart from each other. Work is meant to be an escape from your partner, the golden egg of excuses of not being able to see them, it needs to happen! The other point is if you do break up. You can't just wash your hands and move on with it. You have to WORK WITH THEM! One of you will lose your job that is pretty much fact. Out of all the relationships that your going to be in only one will see it to the very end so on that fact the odds are stacked extremely high on the relationship failings. Is this something you want to risk with someone you already spend enough time with? Going back to the first point is the only difference really made is your going to have sex with them. Is it really worth the aftermath of what could happen after a break up?

I can go on but three is a nice number and I don't want to be continually negative through out this essay it seems (I don't blog lightly so no quick reads). Now lets talk about things that make a good relationship. These are sadly few and far between. Most people will look at a loving and happy couple and discover that they have been together for years and think 'awww, thats really great you guys are in it for life'. Sadly the cynic in me looks at these couples and I think.. The right tragedy hasn't quiet happened yet. Since oddly enough most people when in relationships think its an eternity of happiness and I hate to be the one to shatter that image for you but relationships are hard to maintain and the amount of factors that can be involved in breaking even the strongest of couples are countless. A better potential partner arrives, your partner loses their job and gets depressed, you discover they are hard to live with, its endless!

Still lets lighten things up.. At least at little bit. What makes a good relationship? What kind of things do I look at and decide 'Yeah, that is lasting forever'. Well for starters I look at my parents. This is the only relationship I've been able to see for my entire life. Now I'm not going into details because I'm not invading my parents privacy but I will say they have been through a lot! I mean things that would simply destroy the average relationship and burn it to the ground. How do they get through it? Well I would love to truly know their secrets but it comes down to love and honouring their oath of marriage. If you choose to spend a life with your partner you do it and you stick through it when things get tough.. Fair enough however, Sometimes shit gets too much and its better that things end. But if that is the case I'm pretty confident that these people have had enough warning signs, alarm bells and chances to end the relationship before it got out of hand. So points that make a good relationship.

1. You need to know what each other wants. You can't just change your mind because your partner wants something different. What kind of environment do you want to live in and what about your partner? If your a country girl and he is a city boy, really consider this because one of you will end up in an environment you don't want to live in. Additional you can comprise and get a suburban house. How many kids to you want? If any at all, if your partner doesn't want kids, no offence to your naivety but don't expect them to be there for them and help. If however you both want the same things or your differences compliment each other perfectly, example being business man and house wife (I know thats sexism), then you will have a nice happy set up and this will lead to a more affectionate relationship.

2. Understanding. You must understand each other and be empathic to each others needs and issues. Your partners will get paranoid at one stage in their life and I'm sure you will get paranoid as well. If your can handle that and understand that its simply because they don't want to lose you then that is great. You being the paranoid one needs to know when to stop and accept the assurance they offer you, additionally if your partner offers you no assurance then its because they don't want to lie, end the relationship. Another thing that you and your partner needs to understand is we all have bad days, sometimes bad weeks. When things get tough the last thing you or your partner needs is to feel guilty that they have dragged you down with them. Its just not fun and where as a strong relationship can get back on their feet after such an episode, sadly most can't. Its much better to accept that something is happening to them which you can't understand. Be empathic and comfort them, it will pass. At the end of the day the home is meant to be relaxing and calm and if the home isn't relaxing and calm then you and your partner will find another place to go and this could lead to additional problems with them not wanting to go home. In summary if you can understand each other, know how to keep the other one calm even if its an affectionate hug, making them a coffee or just giving them some space to breathe, it will strengthen your relationship and lead to a happier life.

3. Balance. A relationship needs balance more than anything in the word which goes with the saying 'opposites attract'. You can be too opposite though because then you will just have nothing in common and if your the extremely similar then simply put you will learn nothing new and get bored. One of the greatest things about being in a relationship is entering their world and learning about what they like. You can surprise yourself and enjoy it but never would you do this yourself. Also having different interests means you will get that additional time apart as well as it increase's attraction. Watching your partner achieve something you can't do yourself is sexy. How many girls who have no interest in sport at all enjoy watching their partner play it? It also leads to compromise and difference, evidently you don't get bored. Getting tied down to a routine in a relationship is a bad thing, most people can't stand routine and get bored with doing the same things. Adding some spice and difference in a relationship is always a good thing. Additionally for you girls, if you can get your man to come shoe shopping with you, or better yet he will go shoe shopping to get you presents, simply put that man loves you. For you guys, if you can get your girl to watch you play Modern Warfare and make you drinks to expand your game time, simply put that woman loves you! Its an excellent indicator of when a relationship is working because they are interested in you doing something they hate!

I always have trouble with starting and stopping a blog. The majority of this is pretty much improvised typing, letting myself release via the means of my keyboard. I hope you have enjoyed reading my opinions on things because I'm not smug enough to call this fact. Though I would very much appreciate it if people leave comments good or bad. Email me a question or a subject you would like to know my opinion about or perhaps some advice you would like me to give, if you do want advice the more information the better or you will get a very very long answer with every possibility I can think of.. And it will be a lot of possibilities.

In conclusion relationships and love are very very hard things to find and deal with. It takes a lot of strength of character to make a relationship work and a lot of things you have to truly consider. Relationships have been and always will be a system of trial and errors until you finally get it right. I just hope this perhaps helped explained why a relationship didn't work out for you or made you realise that you are stuck in a bad relationship. As cynical as I am I would like to think people are reading this and they can think 'Yes the relationship I am in is the right one.'

I thank you for you time reading this I will not soak up your time any longer! If you have any questions or needing some advice email me at Sdturvey@gmail.com. Additionally you can use my Facebook if you have that. In fact I don't really mind how you ask me but for those of you people who may read this and not actually know me personally then use the email.

Thank you readers! I hope to blog more and I look forward to anything you ask me!

Much Love! Simon